A common question that we receive from parents is how do I know if expectations for my child are realistic?
The automatic reference point we go to is to see what OTHER kids their age is doing. However, what OTHER kids can do isn’t necessarily the same as what YOUR kid can do.
Understanding the Underlying Causes
To manage your child’s behavioural expectations effectively, we must move beyond focusing solely on concerning behaviour. Behaviour is often a symptom of an underlying issues that require attention for sustainable change.
Questioning the Realism of Expectations
It’s crucial to ask: “Are our expectations realistic?” Consider an example: Your child starts kindergarten, and you hear that other kids their age are proficient readers. But comparing your child to their peers based on age alone may not be realistic.
Avoiding Age-Based Comparisons
Setting expectations based on what other kids of the same age are doing can be misleading. Children have unique development timelines. Your child may have strengths and challenges different from their peers.
Recognising Individuality
Understand your child’s abilities and limitations. Your child’s potential may not align with what others can do at the same age. Tailor expectations to their unique strengths and challenges.
Making a Judgment Call (Kids do well IF they can)
Setting expectations is a judgment call. Align expectations with your child’s capabilities. Children excel when expectations match their abilities. If they can do it, they will. Doing well (meeting expectations) almost always serves their best interests (and they often know it!) If they’re not doing well then, its due to lagging skills rather than lagging motivation. Skills develop at different speeds for each child. Just because they’re not there today, it doesn’t mean that they will never get there.